It feels like everyone is rejoicing now that the pandemic is coming to an end. Restaurants are overflowing, traffic is at a standstill, invitations to gather are pouring in. In the midst of the cacophony of life and joy, I’m unsteady. This might sound crazy to you, but some people are trying to navigate that quiet, but insistent voice inside their soul that’s saying, I’m not ready. At first, I thought I was alone in my melancholy, but if I listen closely, I can hear kindred spirits.
How many times in the last year have we mumbled that this once in a lifetime event has changed who we are and how we see the world. We were forced to live in solitude, or close to it, maybe for the first time in our lives. Our schedules were empty… a void. For many that void was filled with panic and loneliness… isolation. For others, like me, we felt more, not less, connected with the universe.
How is that even possible?
A global pandemic came crushing down at the same time the world was literally at war with itself. The emergence of Trump’s hateful rhetoric, the nationalistic divisions, the brutal uncovering of social injustices that had been obvious to those who suffered under its’ weight, but to which the unaffected had been blissfully unaware. For about four years I’d been totally immersed in the evil that Trump had uncovered. I had a closet full of protest signs and a drawer full of protest t-shirts. Friends either admired my passion or insisted I lighten up a bit. For many the “busyness” of daily life protected them from the worlds pain. But I had embraced my empath and felt the pain and injustice on a cellular level.
When the universe decided we all needed to slow way down, being alone didn’t necessarily set off my alarm bells. Where once our schedules, work, to do lists, and social calendars filled the space, now quiet endless time loomed. For many, the empty hours meant that they couldn’t avoid the pain in the world. I can’t imagine how challenging that must have been. But I finally felt solidarity. In the silence, EVERYONE was paying attention.
Suddenly, people gravitated to social media to connect. Where Facebook was once filled with cute cat videos, it was now filled with personal stories of injustice, struggle, and even gratitude. Would the whole world have literally felt the pain of watching George Floyd’s life brutally extinguished or children ripped from their mothers arms and locked in cages, if the busyness of our daily lives gave them an excuse to look away?
The flip side of pain is joy and gratitude. In the isolation, stillness, and scarcity of the world, finding a roll of toilet paper became an exercise in thanks. Going to the grocery store wasn’t just a task but a frightening adventure. Waking up feeling healthy wasn’t a given but a blessing. Spending the afternoon in your pajamas snuggling on the couch with your foster dog and Netflix didn’t carry any judgement or label you as lazy. Instead of the clerk at the checkout line being invisible, they were essential seen. We suddenly appreciated the things we had previously taken for granted. In the stillness I not only noticed the world around me, I felt it.
I Recently took the Myers Briggs personality test. I wasn’t surprised to find out that I’m an INFJ. According to the test I’m an Introvert, navigating the world through my iNtuition, Feelings, and relying on my Judgement. My highest scores fell under
the empathetic, intuitive and introvert umbrella. In layman’s terms I see and FEEL the world through my heart and my soul. In my wildest dreams I never would have imagined a world where I didn’t have to work so hard to feel connected to humanity. Where some felt isolation, I felt unity.
We are slowly getting back to “normal” and I’m feeling a bit uneasy. The lowest periods in my life have been when I was with people but felt alone. I’m fearful that we will let life drown out the pain and injustices in the world. I’m frightened that the working poor that were essential and seen, will once again become invisible. I don’t want the noise and to do lists, or more accurately judgement of “SHOULD” do lists, drown out the time spent watching the flowers grow.
So, I ask those people who are chomping at the bit to rejoin the hustle and bustle, be kind to those of us who are letting go of a “once in a lifetime experience”. Allow us the space to say goodbye to the ease of being alone yet so connected. Give us time to reign in the unforeseen opportunity to connect to the global humanity and the quiet joy of appreciating the little things.
…we need a little more time to rewire.
